We were having dinner with friends when I noticed how one of the toddlers, unsettled and whiny, settled down contentedly in the arms of his grandmother. This seemed magical to the adults who were watching, but when you recognize the collecting dance, you can understand how this magic works. The collecting dance is an ancient…
We have probably all heard the term ‘quality time’ in connection with parenting our children, for example: try to spend quality time with your child. As a Child and Youth Counsellor, I have always felt a little nervous about this concept because I fear it has misleading implications. In our busy lives, where time is…
“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts” In the context of reflecting upon my 65th birthday this past December, I came across this quote from Charles Dickens’s last novel, Our Mutual Friend. My ponderings on these words continued into the arena usually reserved for…
Cats are the promise of domesticity without the intimacy. (Patricia Wilensky) As a noun I think ‘home’ must annoy newcomers to the English language because of its multiple meanings – we use it interchangeably to refer to personal feelings towards someone, a geographical location or a tangible building. It’s not hard to understand ‘home’ on…
Lately, I have had a number of parents coming to see me because their child is having difficulties separating for the school day. These kids are generally 5 or 6 years old and the parents are distraught. “It doesn’t feel right to have my child dragged out of my arms crying hysterically.” It doesn’t feel…
“Miss! Miss! He called me a wienie!” And so could start a round of “who did what to whom.” While I observed this common playground scenario, it occurred to me that this child was not asking the adult to immediately “right the wrong.” It seemed to me that he wanted reassurance and an understanding that…
I will never forget landing in the Winnipeg airport at midnight and stepping into the terminal to see a throng of people waiting for loved ones despite the late hour. There were hugs, expressions of ‘I missed you’, and a general hub of good energy in the air. My family and I were heading to…
It was dark outside. My four-year-old granddaughter was about to cross the sidewalk, when she noticed a swarm of black ants covering the area on which she was about to step. Alarmed at the sight of them, she was filled with anxiety, frozen in helplessness. What is anxiety? In order to survive and stay safe…
My daughter was five years old and eager to play dolls with the “big girls” next door. She looked up to these older girls and longed to join in whenever she saw them playing outside. Seeing an opportunity, she hurried out the front door with excitement in her eyes and her favourite doll tucked under…
I co-facilitate a study group of professionals who meet regularly to discuss Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s theories of attachment and development. Together we are a group of teachers, psychiatrists, social workers, counsellors, parent educators, alternative school educators, early childhood educators, and most of us parents, with a strong focus on understanding and forwarding attachment thinking. Next on our…